if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
love makes seman taste better
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
