also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
