It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
