Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
