He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
