Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
