i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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