Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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