I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
