i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
