I love black thongs
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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