i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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