He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dear god my vagina.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
