I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
