i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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