apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
