I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
