i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
