yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
