i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
