How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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