R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
