hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
