My liver just broke up with me...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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