She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
