You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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