I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
