Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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