I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
