What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
