Well apparently he's into motor boating.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We talked him into tasing himself.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
