I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
