We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
