I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
