Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The uberlube is also flammable
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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