I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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