i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
