hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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