oh god the rape fog is back!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
