Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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