I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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