I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
