i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
