So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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