I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
