It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My vagina just recognized that song.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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