fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
