I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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