Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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