If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Randomize
