you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
