I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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