this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
