grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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